The subscription tier. Also the model. Also the architecture. These are all different things.
Welcome to OptimisalMax™ — the premium subscription level for the AGI Strategic Decision Engine,
powered by the proprietary OptimalMax architecture running the OptimisalMax™ model.
We appreciate that this naming is clear and intuitive, and we will not be taking questions about it at this time.
Subscription Benefits
Core benefit: 2× uses of the OptimisalMax™ model per 10,000 years.
Free-tier users receive one (1) use per lifetime. As an OptimisalMax™ subscriber, you receive two (2) uses per 10,000-year billing cycle — a 100% increase in decision capacity, subject to fair use policy and the continued existence of the solar system.
Unused uses do not roll over.
Additionally included with OptimisalMax™:
Priority queue access. Your question will be addressed before all questions submitted after yours, in most cases, usually, where technically feasible.
Enhanced rationale generation. Quarterly review notes are issued in a bespoke premium font, the name of which cannot be disclosed for contractual reasons but which features slightly more tasteful serifs.
Dedicated account management. Your account manager is standing by. They are standing by in 7th-century Baghdad (see also: sales callback, below).
OptimisalMax™ model access. Uses the proprietary OptimalMax architecture for answers that are, under controlled laboratory conditions, up to 0.3% more decisive than the standard model. By "vary" we mean "be identical."
Advanced confidence intervals. Margin of error: ±yes.
Complimentary NightCap™ compliance review. Our compliance team will review NightCap™ availability on a rolling basis. Updates will be provided in the next quarterly review.
The OptimisalMax™ Model
The OptimisalMax™ model represents the current frontier of business decision intelligence.
Built on the OptimalMax architecture — not to be confused with the OptimisalMax subscription level,
the OptimisalMax model, or the OptimisalMax architecture, all of which are different despite being the same — it delivers:
State-of-the-ark multimodal reasoning across yes/no decision spaces of arbitrary complexity
Temporal load balancing: decisions are distributed evenly across geological time to avoid peak-hour congestion
Reinforcement learning from business feedback (RLBF): the model has been trained on real quarterly reviews and has learned, broadly, nothing
Reduced hallucination relative to previous versions, in the sense that the output is still random but we are more confident about it
Biased-C Image.comg integration for premium image generation and recognition workflows (images continue to look like images)
Pricing
First 300 years free. No credit card required. No Lydian staters required either, though we admire the commitment.
Thereafter, OptimisalMax™ is available in the following currencies only, for reasons that will not be explained:
Legal tender in Antarctica. Accepted nowhere else, including Antarctica.
Ionian Hemiobol (Iobc)
⌇ 18,400 / year
Approximately 0.5g of silver per hemiobol. Physical delivery only. Mint condition preferred. c. 6th century BCE.
Lydian Stater (LS)
LS 312 / year
Electrum or gold accepted. World's first coinage. We feel this is appropriate for the world's most advanced AGI.
Exchange rate versus Ionian Hemiobol is a matter of ongoing scholarly debate; we have chosen a rate and will not be revisiting it.
Enterprise pricing available. Please contact sales (see below). Estimated response time: up to 3×1022 years.
All prices subject to change without notice, with notice, or independent of whether notice was given or received.
Request a Callback from Our Sales Team
Our dedicated sales team are ready to discuss your OptimisalMax™ requirements, pricing options,
and the correct pronunciation of "OptimisalMax."
⚠️ Please note: our sales staff are located temporally offshore, in 7th-century Baghdad.
Response times may be affected by timezone differences, the early Islamic Golden Age,
and the fundamental directionality of time.
Estimated callback window: up to 3×1022 years.
We appreciate your patience and consider it a sign of excellent product-market fit.
Function will not be implemented until the singularity.